Author
Cody Douglas
We grew up together in and around a small town. I've spent the
bigger part of my life laughing at Ol' Skeezik because if he isn't
saying something funny, something funny is happening to him
at the time.
I'm Skeezik's main pal in life; Cody Douglas.
He'd give me the shirt off his back. Usually, because he'd just
blown the motor in my truck or ruined my chain saw, but, even
so, there's never a dull moment with Skeezik around.
I remember the first time Skeezik and I went Ice Fishing.
I guess we were around fifteen years old at the time and
we went with Slim Tucker, a good friend of ours who'd been Ice
Fishing a time or two before.
WE WERE ON OUR WAY!
"Yahoo!" Skeezik hollered. "I ain't had so much fun since the hogs
et ma brother. Give 'er the ol' throttle Cody."
I was racing across the frozen lake at about 40 miles an hour on
my souped up snowmobile, with a long rope attached to an old car
hood and Slim and Skeezik hangin' on for dear life. Slim wasn't
really enjoying the ride all that well. He just hung on to the front
while ol' Skeezik stood up behind him. By the time we got to
Slim's ice shanty, Skeezik wasn't quite so happy either.
"You half-wit!" he squawked. "I'm dang near froze to death."
"Well, Skeezik," I answered. "at least you look good with that new
white beard."
"No problem." Slim said. "It'll only take about one minute and this little
shanty will be as warm as toast. I'll turn on the heater and you guys
just reach on in that cooler there and find us a cool drink."
"Cool drink?" Skeezik snorted. "I'm froze now. You got cottage cheese
fer brains?"
"This drink is cool, but it'll sure warm your weasely body in a hurry." Slim
answered.
"Whoa, Dobbin," Skeezik cheered. "Where'd ya git the Black Berry brandy?"
"Nevermind where I got it from, just don't git ta pukin' too soon and
miss all the fishin'." Slim heckled.
"Eat the bait, fish breath." Skeezik sneered. "I ain't likely to be
the one to puke."
All the while they were hecklin' each other we were slammin' down the
brandy and Slim was showin' me how to work the tip-ups.
"Tip-ups!" Skeezik chuckled. "I already got them down to a real science.
Watch this."
GLUG - GLUG - GLUG !!!!!!
"Not brandy tip-ups idiot." Slim yelled. "These are what's gonna tell us when
we got a fish. Just watch the pros, slush brains, and you'll see how it's done.
Meanwhile you take this power auger and drill some holes in the ice out front
and we'll get these tip-ups ready; if you can handle it."
"No problem." Skeezik grinned. "Easier 'n burpin'."
"Well," I answered. "just don't burp 'em too close. Move around a little."
With that valuable piece of information Skeezik headed out the door and we
could soon hear the roar of the auger.
It took a few minutes to get all the gear together and in the meantime Skeezik
had done just about what I'd told him. He moved around a little; and a
little more; and a little more; always to the left. The holes were all equally
spaced at about five to six inches apart and just as Slim and I stepped out
of the shanty Skeezik had perfectly perforated the small circle that he was
standing in the middle of.
Luckily for Slim when the ice circle broke and Skeezik went down, his arms
went up and the auger flew to where we grabbed it as Skeezik went
completely under the frozen tundra.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!" Skeezik yelled. "Get me oughta here!"
Back in the nice warm shanty a half hour later ol' Skeezik was fairly dried
out by the heater with a blanket around him.
"Man, Skeezik," Slim laughed. "you shoulda saw the look on yer face
when you hit that icy water."
"Shuddup, walleye face or I'll toss YOU in there." Skeezik squawked.
"Well," Slim replied. "if you feel froggy just leap. But, I should think you
bein' near dried out you wouldn't wanna take that chance."
"I'd say all the brandy must be makin' you brave;" Skeezik taunted.
" 'cause you sure ain't flappin' them jaws due to a high output of brain waves."
"Talk about brain waves, you single cylinder baffoon; just who was the
genius that cut a circle around hisself on the ice and tried to take up
residence with them Walleyes down there?"
I had to break in while Slim was laughing and calm things down.
I reminded them that we had about a dozen Walleyes and a few nice
Perch that we had to get hauled up on the stringer and made ready to
take home.
"Okay," Skeezik said. "I'll bring the snowmobile around to load up while
you two pack away the gear and kill the heater."
Soon Slim and I had the Tip-ups packed away and heard ol' Skeezik takin'
off on the sled. He was headed way up the lake. We could barely see him
clear up there when he finally turned around and headed back...full speed.
"That 3-watt is gonna wreck yer sled, Cody."
"Nah," I told Slim. "He's a half a bubble off sometimes, but he'll be ok."
Well, he came to a stop and shut off the sled with a huge smile on his face.
"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
What's so funny?" Slim asked.
"Nuthin'," Skeezik lied. "I just thought I'd save us the trouble of havin' ta skin
them there fish."
Walkin' behind the sled to have a look we soon saw that Skeezik had
been towin' them fish on the hard, crusty ice and they were completely
scaled and ready to fillet.
"Cody," Slim said shakin' his head. "next time I offer Skeezik some
o' that brandy, have me shot with a DULL HARPOON, will ya?"